Lemonade

[davidn]

I was making some lemonade with a hammer tonight - I didn't realize that the box of concentrated lemon juice we'd bought contained a bottle, and as we'd kept it in the freezer I needed to break the lemon-ice up inside it before being able to slide it all out of the spout into a carafe.

After that, the procedure would have been straightforward, except soon after starting I realized that I'd been following the wrong recipe on the back of the box and had been making a lemon meringue pie. I thought that the amount of sugar it called for seemed a bit much - on balance, it's just as well I noticed the problem when it was telling me to put butter and eggs into it.

It's very nice - sweet, though. And also quite opaque.

Comments

[ravenworks.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, now I can't help but imagine you blindly following the instructions all the way through, culminating in a shot of being confused why the pie isn't sliding into a glass...

I don't understand the first bit though! There's a box with a bottle inside?

[crassadon.livejournal.com]

As a notice for everyone, if you begin making lemonade by thinking "Okay, lemonade. . first: get a hammer," then please review all the steps before starting!!!

Personally, I don't attempt anything that is more than "add boiling water," or 'microwave for two minutes."

[xaq.livejournal.com]

"Preheat oven to 350°, okay....dust pie crust with flour, okay...add 2 tbsp. butter and 2 eggs without yolwaaaaaait a minute."

[davidn]

Yes, a box with a bottle inside - I was as surprised as you are, I thought it would be a plastic juice bag or something.

[ravenworks.livejournal.com]

So... you had to smash open the bottle to get at the frozen stuff inside that wouldn't fit out the neck?

[davidn]

Pretty much. Is this really that crazy...?

Or rather, I was just hitting the plastic surface of the bottle to break up the ice inside, with the aid of some warm water. I also considered sawing the bottom of the bottle off with a breadknife, but this seemed to be introducing an unnecessary possibility of injury.

[ravenworks.livejournal.com]

oh, a PLASTIC bottle! I thought you were smashing shards of glass into the stuff you were about to make a drink out of...!

[premchaia_pre4]

3  Swallowed doom lemonade  94

[davidn]

Well remembered :)

[lupineangel.livejournal.com]

When I was younger, dad used to do cooking with my brother and I, and he taught us how to make simple recipes. Nothing incredibly fancy - cake, pizza, scones and so on, stuff that kids eat without much complaint - but nice, simple things that could be made in an hour or less. We wrote all the recipes down, and put them all in a binder, and each recipe had the name of what it was going to make on the top.

Without wanting to sound patronising, maybe a similar, more ordered approach might help you in the kitchen? A lot of your cooking... well, doesn't come off as planned, and I can't help but wonder why. (Although any binder you compile would probably have fewer felt-tip drawings of the food in question with smiley faces about to eat it. :P)

D.F.

[davidn]

This one was a simple misreading that anyone could have made, but... I can make some things very competently! (Although apparently not since 2010). It's just when the laws of the universe suddenly don't work for me as they do for everyone else that the result is remarkable enough to turn into a story (the 'cooking' tag is disasters, 'recipe' is successes) the times when everything comes out as a half-dead version of what it should be, when I leave a recipe completely... massacred...

Hey, kjorteo! Can my fan character by the St. Pigeonation's school cook?

[kjorteo]

Depends. How good are you at not asking questions about the mystery meat? Hohohoho.

[premchaia_pre4]

*uses clawwws* (It's super-effective!)

[kjorteo]

Ooh.

[xaq.livejournal.com]

There's no questions to be asked...the answer to how their food is made is right there in the school motto. By the pigeon, for the pigeon, and...bon appetit.

[davidn]

As long as it's thawed by the time it gets to me to prevent inflicting knife injuries on myself. Sandwiches? Great! I'll get the hammer!

[(Anonymous)]

At least you didn't manage to set it on fire...