Spam spam spam spam spam

I should have realized that the entire concept of American culture was invented purely to get a reaction out of me from the first day that I arrived here - I still remember, not an hour after arrival at Whitney's parents' house, seeing a television advert for a brand of glass polish that promised the result of "high-definition windows". While this cheerful abuse of a contemporary in-word was, is and will always remain the most intolerably idiotic thing that I have ever seen, the country has continued to come up with new and interesting abominations.

Here's one - I was given this on our last day in the office, as a prime example of such an item. It is, as you can see, a distressingly unnatural spreadable form of an already suspect meat or meat-like substance. This container says it's preventing two servings from being unleashed on the world, and invites you to visit their website at www.spam.com, which topped this year's list of domain names you really don't want to have. The customary explanation of "Serving suggestion" is present on the bottom of the tin next to the image of the stuff struggling to break free of two slices of bread, but the obvious suggestion of ": Don't" is not. I really hadn't considered actually eating this when I first laid eyes on it, but at lunchtime the next day, knowing that I wasn't in a situation where it was vital that I was able to leave the house for the next while, I decided I might as well report on its contents.

( A link, if you dare )