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Feng Shui Pens
Feb. 24th, 2009 01:59 pmI'm rather ashamed to admit that I've just bought a set of so-called "Feng Shui pens" from the bookshop down the road. Someone seems to have been stealing mine, and they didn't have any packs that were remotely normal - most were the kind that cost $25 and are presented in silk-lined boxes that are incredibly over-elaborate for a tube to dispense ink in a semi-organized fashion on to a dead tree.
So I was forced to go for one of the gimmicky "bookmark pen" packets, and the variety that I happened to pick up are decorated with the Chinese characters for Friendship, Peace, Happiness, Wealth, Success, Love, and Health (none of which are fantastically appropriate in this setting - especially that last one, as I came back balancing them on top of a rather giant pizza slice). At least, that's what it says the characters are. They could read "Please punch me in the face, I've just bought Feng Shui pens" for all I know.
Anyway, all of this is irrelevant because as soon as you lift one out of the box (which happens to be a jewel CD case) you discover that the reason they're called Bookmark Pens is that they're unnaturally flat as if they'd been left in the path of a steamroller. Furthermore, they appear to be made out of a mixture of low-grade plastic, Teflon and soap, and have a habit of slipping into the crook of your hand whenever you try to get a grip on the impossibly thin surface, or shooting up towards the ceiling when you press the end on to paper. Far from inviting peace and tranquility, they're performing the impossible feat of making my handwriting even more chaotic and dreadful than it was already.
I just went out to get a biro. I'm sure there's some sort of conspiracy behind all this.
So I was forced to go for one of the gimmicky "bookmark pen" packets, and the variety that I happened to pick up are decorated with the Chinese characters for Friendship, Peace, Happiness, Wealth, Success, Love, and Health (none of which are fantastically appropriate in this setting - especially that last one, as I came back balancing them on top of a rather giant pizza slice). At least, that's what it says the characters are. They could read "Please punch me in the face, I've just bought Feng Shui pens" for all I know.
Anyway, all of this is irrelevant because as soon as you lift one out of the box (which happens to be a jewel CD case) you discover that the reason they're called Bookmark Pens is that they're unnaturally flat as if they'd been left in the path of a steamroller. Furthermore, they appear to be made out of a mixture of low-grade plastic, Teflon and soap, and have a habit of slipping into the crook of your hand whenever you try to get a grip on the impossibly thin surface, or shooting up towards the ceiling when you press the end on to paper. Far from inviting peace and tranquility, they're performing the impossible feat of making my handwriting even more chaotic and dreadful than it was already.
I just went out to get a biro. I'm sure there's some sort of conspiracy behind all this.
