Advice to your 16-year-old self

Honestly, where do you begin with a question like this? I saw it on a friend's journal and couldn't stop.

"No need to spend months deciding which university to go to - St Andrews is clearly the right choice. Here's a list of people to avoid."

"You can sort most of your image problems out instantly by ceasing to deliberately characterize yourself as such an insufferably boring nerd."

"Iron Maiden's a lot better than you think - but you'll discover this on your own shortly."

"You're going to get the impression that you don't have to make an effort in your last year of school because it doesn't really matter. Your impression is absolutely correct - enjoy your year off."

"Get a better Internet name now, before you become known by it everywhere. A good one might be... actually, I still have no idea."

"Punch Kenneth in the face at least once. Preferably with the Peacemaker medal you got in primary school."

"Keep at the piano."

"When the Internet really takes off in a couple of years, you're going to discover some really horrific things. Don't resist becoming part of them."

"If you think the Americans are annoying just now, just wait until you live there."

"Stop agonizing over girls. Whitney will be along in a couple of years and she'll be much better than anyone else."

"You might want to buy some shares in Apple about now."

"Stop reading that. It really is doing you no good whatsoever."

"Back up more often."

"Here's a list of really good retorts that I thought up 24 hours after their conversations happened, and notes on when to use them."

"When you eventually buy a house, you will be introduced to a mortgage handler called Elizabeth Poussard. Make sure you choose anyone except her to handle your loan."

"Get used to the bald look - you'll be going grey soon anyway."

Unfortunately, most of these would undoubtedly alter the flow of time and I wouldn't be here now if I had known and followed their advice.