Psycho Canvas

[davidn]

(Yes, it's a bit of a stretch, I'm sorry)

On-street canvassers and I have never had the best of relationships, but in the middle of the week I had the most surreal experience with one ever.

I was waiting for the bus across the river in an (ultimately futile) attempt to get home quickly from work, and though the epidemic of clipboard-wielding grinning maniacs isn't nearly as bad in Kendall Square as it was in Davis Square, there are sometimes a few of them around telling people about some issue or other. This one was preying on the people who were waiting at the bus stop and trying to get them to sign up to donate to the ACLU, and asked me just before I sat down if I had a moment to talk about gay marriage.

And even though previous experience has made me always prepared with some convincing excuse that puts them off talking to me instantly, you can't say no to that, can you? Even though the Americans had a good start in this regard, for a long time now they've been slowly voting to reverse all their shreds of cultural evolution, and pretty soon their only contribution to Western civilization will be the invention of the pancake-wrapped sausage on a stick.

So I went over to him, planning to use my other tactic of talking back to him and hopefully keeping the discussion up until my bus came. He was very nice about it and even asked what bus I was waiting for so he could watch out for it. He handed me the clipboard so that I was unable to defend myself and talked for a while brightly about what I've just mentioned above while I nodded along, ready to talk about the recent vote in Maine at any moment but unable to really get a word in edgeways.

Eventually he paused in the middle of a sentence and looked confused, which I thought was my cue to start my side of the conversation while he'd forgotten this part of his routine, but once again he got in first.

"Do you know a girl called Whitney?"

"Yes," I answered after a moment, all my thoughts of return conversation having vanished at the sudden question.

"And you're married to her, aren't you?"

This was terrible. After honing my ability to avoid the regular variety, I had been caught off guard by a psychic canvasser. He could no doubt read my every move to escape before I got the chance to try it, and I didn't even have a second controller port to fall back on. The only thing left was to admit it.

But he then revealed that he was the husband of one of Whitney's friends, who I'd met once at a game night and hadn't recognized because his mass of hair was concealed under a wooly cap. So he then switched to talking about his rubbish job for a while and let me get off free back to waiting for the bus.

About twenty minutes later I was still there, so I phoned the MBTA and asked them where the bus was, and after I convined the woman on the other end to check she told me that the one I was waiting for had never left the depot for reasons best known to itself. But by now it was nearly the next one's arrival time, so after asking her if that one was likely to ever get there, I continued to wait.

He had been listening to me talking on the phone and came over again to cosmiserate about the state of Boston's public transport. "But do you know what would really make your day?" he asked, holding out the clipboard. After our shared friends had released me not half an hour earlier, he was going to use them to his advantage instead!

But at that precise moment, the bus came, so I apologized and leapt on, getting home in not much more time than it takes to walk. I set up my work laptop there instead, immediately went on to the T site and performed my monthly application to get my money back - everyone's happy. Except the MBTA, I imagine, but if you lived here you wouldn't have any sympathy for them either.

Comments

[wolfekko.livejournal.com]

I'm still trying to figure out if the guy was in support of same-sex marriage, against it, or just trying to survey your opinion :-P

[davidn]

Oh, very much for it - I'd be very surprised if any reasonably forward-thinking person of our age (or any other) was against it!

[ravenworks.livejournal.com]

So then why were you afraid of signing this guy's petition? I mean, I never saw a petition make much of a difference one way or the other, but it's not like he'd be standing around trying to make you sign something you didn't believe in, it seems like it would've been a faster way to get rid of him. XD

[davidn]

They're not just asking you to sign a petition, they're asking you to sign up for a membership and pay a subscription per month. And though I can't think of any other cause that does this I'd rather give money to, I prefer to do it on my own terms...

[ravenworks.livejournal.com]

Wait, a subscription? To... gay marriage?

[davidn]

To the ACLU, I think it was, I wasn't expecting this to become the focal point of the story! Maybe I should go back and re-explain it...

[kjorteo]

Yes.

Didn't you know?

[ravenworks.livejournal.com]

Oh my goodness, I haven't paid my gay fees in months D: They're going to revoke my boners any minute now!

[kjorteo]

Usually, even then, I've never had difficulty dealing with these sorts of people more directly instead of trying to look for escape routes. If it is just a petition, and I agree with the cause, then sure, hand it over, I'm signing that thing right now. Even if there's a mailing list involved, I usually do it anyway, because I can either read or ignore the e-mail at my convenience. (I use call-to-action lists like MoveOn and the ACLU to get my news, actually. I have yet to actually donate to anything, but all the "X happened and now we need to raise $Y to run ads in swing states, won't you please contribute?" is a convenient way of being informed that X happened.) If there's memberships or subscriptions, I just flat-out say that I love what you guys do and wish I could help, but I don't have the money, and that's that.

[davidn]

Remember what I mentioned about people from Boston earlier in the week? :) Unfortunately standard friendly tactics don't work on our variety, hence my use of increasingly creative measures to get past them - the worst time was when I said to a Greenpeace canvasser that I wasn't interested, and he followed me all the way back to the office practically clinging to my leg like a limpet.

Of course, in this case he was much more polite even when he hadn't realized that he actually knew me, although when it started I was rather worried that if I did say that I wasn't interested in handing over money at that moment and stopped him, then I would... still have been standing there right next to him, and it would have been weird. I'm rather glad that it resolved itself the way it did.

[wolfekko.livejournal.com]

I suppose so, but depending on where you are in the country, it can vary greatly. Even where you are, I imagine there are staunch resisters to the idea, and if you move westward a bit more, you'll find even stronger opposition. Not logically founded, of course, but still very strong.

[davidn]

I know that they must... exist, given the outcome of every vote on the issue so far, but I've never known any one of them! And it's one of those issues where I really can't see the other side of the argument... allowing it wouldn't affect me, my own marriage, or anything else, and telling people that they shouldn't be with someone they love - not only that, but making a law saying that they should be treated differently - it's the most absurd idea in the world.

[starfishchris.livejournal.com]

I thought the other side of the argument was along the lines of "It's against God's will" or "it will devalue the concept of marriage" (somehow).

In essence, gay people squick them out and so they don't want to do them any favours.

[davidn]

That's exactly it - the only argument is that it's somehow against the word of a mystical figure that we can't see and nobody has ever had any direct contact with (and I won't believe otherwise until someone actually hands me a working phone number with interdimensional area code). There's word that the Catholic church here will stop its yearly homeless help if gay marriage is passed as a blackmail tactic. It is because of things like this that I feel rather sorry that I was ever part of this.

[starfishchris.livejournal.com]

I thought you were religious? :P

[davidn]

I was... then I saw what it did to people, and it was awful. I was raised in a nice church that actually felt like a community and that wasn't about teaching people to hate arbitrarily - but looking especially at America it's difficult to think of a single other thing that's done more damage to the world.

[starfishchris.livejournal.com]

HIDEO

HIDEO

HIDEO


...earlier this week I was approached by two guys with a notebook. First page was a picture of Jesus being baptised. "This is a picture of Jesus being baptised. Have you ever been baptised?"

I'm not exactly sure what they were trying to achieve, but I quickened my pace just in case they had a Super Soaker of holy water waiting for me.

[davidn]

I've never experienced that! I took an "Are you saved?" leaflet from a man who was standing outside the theatre last week looking disappointed, because me taking one means that he has one less to give to anyone else - but I've never met anyone quite so proactive about it.