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[davidn]

Almost exactly twelve years ago, when I was fifteen, I absolutely could not sleep on the night of my sixteenth birthday. I remember I was so desperate to find a way of making the night go faster that I tried counting sheep, and got up to about a kazillion before I must have eventually lapsed into unconsciousness for an hour or two. In that particular instance it was mostly because I was hoping for Tekken 3, but at that stage, birthdays were always something exciting, to be looked forward to and enjoyed - with the possible milestone every three years of being legally allowed in to watch a whole new BBFC category of films at the cinema.

As we all continue our inexorable shuffle across this mortal coil, however, the feeling of birthdays turns into one approaching dread, the excitement of the day gone and replaced with it marking being yet another year older. And this birthday is another type of milestone, another less comfortable one that comes up every three years - I've now left my mid-twenties and am beginning my late twenties, with 30 looming ever closer. I don't even feel like I'm all that far out of university yet - but before my next birthday, the ten-year anniversary of me first standing in the queue of newcomers between the monstrous concrete tentacles of Andrew Melville Hall will have passed. (Note that this article suggests that after you see it in real life a stiff drink will be necessary).

This previous year was one mostly of turmoil, and I was very lucky to get out of it with my life as comfortable as it still is. Very shortly after my last birthday I felt the need to start anti-anxiety medication, I went in for appointments at a mental health department for the first time, I finally restored my status (gained at 17 and not really used since 21) as a legal driver, sort of fell halfway between losing my job and leaving voluntarily, accidentally found another job, bought a car, and climbed quite rapidly into running a work project for the first time. That's a lot of change, compressed mostly into the first half of the year, and I'm hoping that things just stabilize from here. Oh, and that period of uncertainty in April finally gave me time to finish Crystal Towers 2 (thank you, ravenworks) - that's a fairly positive life change, not working on that.

It's not all bad. Over the last few weeks I've received the new netbook, the latest Professor Layton game, and various other things that will no doubt be used to distract myself on the plane journey in just two days. Tonight, we're going to order an Indian meal from the place near us that has come the closest to getting it right, and Whitney has made me a cake. Perhaps best of all of these, I haven't even received any dreadful e-cards.

Comments

[ravenworks.livejournal.com]

I guess I'm lucky in that I never really idealised my 20s all that much, so I'm still looking forward to the birthdays that'll carry me into adulthood, and with it hopefully increased knowledge of what the crap I'm doing on this planet... but in both cases, as often as it's been said, the important thing is that it's just a number! When you put it all in point form like that, it seems like the past year was actually pretty great for you - getting control of your anxiety, getting a more stable position in the world... and why did your list leave out launching two of the biggest projects of your life? (One in scope and one in userbase, i.e. CT2 and TTT..)

Anyway, as I still find it sometimes difficult to tell exactly how morose you're feeling from your LJ posts, do cheer up because you've had an awesome year and it's your birthday for chrissakes ;)

[davidn]

You know, I'd completely forgotten about both of those because I was just thinking through the year in terms of things that had changed in my day to day life. Although 'not working on CT2' is perhaps the greatest change in my life for several years - I think I need to go back and edit that!

Even I'm not really sure how I feel. I wouldn't say that I controlled my anxiety so much as just embraced that I'm an anxious person, but I like the external viewpoint that my life has improved so much :) Recently I've been feeling substantially increased distress about living in America, with the smallest of things reminding me that I haven't been to my home country in nearly two years now...

And I thought I was meant to be in adulthood already!

[jenny0.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'll have to watch that film now. Also: "Andrew Melville Hall is rated number 12 out the 100 greatest Scottish buildings of the past 50 years". WHAT. Well, ok, the last 50 years have been pretty wretched for architecture. We should just be thankful it's not covered in pebbledash.

[davidn]

There was much talk of Andrew Melville Hall's... reputation when I lived there, as well - it's on a list of Scottish monuments and qualifies as a building of national importance for reasons nobody could explain.

[jenny0.livejournal.com]

I know, I remember hearing the same thing when I lived there (HEY I CAN SEE MY OLD ROOM IN THAT STILL IN THE ARTICLE) but it still mystifies me.

[davidn]

They say that everyone has a view of the sea or of the North Haugh! I had a view of a damp grass bank and an elderly tree at the top of it leaning at roughly a sixty-degree angle heading for my window.

[jenny0.livejournal.com]

Even on the front side you could only really see the sea from the entrance level. If you lived in the lower two (as I did) you had a magnificent view of a carpark.

I got the St. Andrews in the News email this morning, I'm so nostalgic :)

[dr-dos.livejournal.com]

Happy Birthday then!

I was going to send an ironic e-card because of this but apparently you have to sign up on those sites so I can't send you a PERSONALIZED one.

http://www.bluemountain.com/ecards/down-the-rabbit-hole/card-3136966?q=rabbit

This is for Easter but it is so... kitsch that it must be shared.

[davidn]

How strangely delightful and nightmarish at the same time! I felt by the end that the rabbit would rather have been left alone, but the log that orgasms jelly beans is quite special, as well.

[scani.livejournal.com]

Yes, it was definitely a tumultuous year... but at the same time you've definitely experienced a lot of positive things, too.

You'll have to accept a rather belated gift from me I'm afraid, but happy birthday!

[davidn]

Attention is all I really need ;) Thank you for your wishes!

[kjorteo]

Any year in which you finish CT2 is a milestone, to be sure! I'm envious, still caught up with my whole big project like that.

Anyway, happy birthday. :)

[kjorteo]

(Message here)

[davidn]

I am sure that that card will be very difficult to beat :) And thank you!

I haven't heard much from you at all about said project recently - how has that been going?

[kjorteo]

Still editing! I'm about a third of the way through chapter 3 now.

[crassadon.livejournal.com]

Are you only two years older than me?!??!??!??? :O

Best wishes with your new found age.

[davidn]

This isn't the first time that people have expressed surprise at how young I am... perhaps this is a good thing? I don't know!