The opposite end of the musical spectrum

[davidn]

As my last update was music-themed, I thought I'd do the same thing but with decent music this time. Well, I say "decent" but it depends on your definition of that word, really. Irridisregardless, I've been putting this together for a few weeks on and off (mostly off) and thought I'd share it with the vast readership of my Livejournal. All three of you.

All of these artists have at least some connection with Noise Records. This is a German division of Sanctuary Records, one of the biggest record companies in Europe. It was co-founded by Rod Smallwood (also known as The Sherrif of Huddersfield, for reasons too complex to go in to here). They introduced an almost shareware-like concept in to the distribution of music, that of encouraging people to "Download, Burn, Spread" free online singles. These consisted of one or two songs from each album along with printable cover and tray artwork, therefore all that was needed to manufacture a complete single for free. With the distribution of these, the idea was to embrace the MP3 concept and make themselves more well-known by using it. It's quite likely that you haven't heard of them, though, which suggests that the users have taken their slogan a little too literally.

Kai Hansen

This is the man who started it all - influenced in turn by Iron Maiden, he developed the melodic style of metal now known as "power metal". He used to be part of Helloween - a band comprised of people who looked like the Eighties, concentrated and personified. He left them and started his own project, Gamma Ray, after the creative clash with some of the other members got too much. Outside of Germany, Japan was the country that was most taken with his happy style of musicianship for some reason. One thing that's strange about him (apart from all the songs about aliens, of course) is that he has a very odd way of writing the album booklets, unless I've been mistaken all this time and that metal in Germany is actually the equivalent of teeny-bop.

Is the reason behind just about my entire musical taste.
Has a voice that has been known to shatter windows.

In the album booklets, spells "music" as "musax" and "lyrics" as "lyrix", showing not only a flagrant disrespect for English but also remarkable inconsistency.
Unintenionally inspired a considerable amount of J-Pop.

Piet Sielck

Sielck was also a starting member of what was eventually to become Helloween, but decided to abandon the dreams of fame and left to become a sound engineer instead. After producing countless well-known bands, he decided to have a go himself and released what was supposed to be a one-off concept album called "Iron Savior: Protect Atlantis and Conquer the Alliance", based on a novel that he never got around to writing. Apparently it worked out so well that Iron Savior turned in to a "proper" band, with five more episode-albums released so far. One of his great strengths is that he doesn't take himself seriously (and who could, being head of a band that sings about Star Trek?) - he knows the whole leathery, spiky image of metal is just a charade and isn't afraid to make a fool of himself, which he frequently does on the band forums.

Has the same hair as I did.
Said that I was doing a "cool job" after I posted my music on his forum.
Started the nerdiest band ever.
Was surprisingly funny on the Battering Ram commentary.

Was astonishingly unfunny on the Condition Red commentary.
Has admitted to liking Slipknot.
Started the nerdiest band ever.

Roy Khan

Khan, as he calls himself, is the vocalist in Kamelot, a band which not only has a silly name, but also which combines power and progressive elements to produce attempts at writing entire metal symphonies (in the form of "Epica", which was loosely based on Faust). Despite the pretentiousness of it all, it's pretty much guaranteed that you'll like at least one Kamelot song because of the vast range of styles that they write in - from gentle orchestral ballads to twelve minute epics about bathing in the blood of virgins.

Isn't Mark Vanderbilt, Kamelot's first vocalist
Unlike him, can actually sing really well

Has a silly beard.
Is in a band called Kamelot.

Timo Kotipelto

It's here that I'm beginning to regret the idea of finding suitable photos of people, because all these artists seem to have a habit of standing around in very poor lighting.

Kotipelto is the vocalist in Stratovarius, which recently split up, reformed, disbanded, and got back together again, in a very confusing and unlikely saga. The band leader, Timo Tolkki, was almost killed by a fan in the process, although this might be something to do with his attempt at copying John Lennon. Kotipelto recently started a solo project as well, which may have been halted now that Stratovarius are back together. Having bought his attempt at an album, I can only say that this is a good thing.

He has an extremely good range, and can scream and sing with equal mastery.
Has a large and confident "SMOKING!" under "Dislikes" in his profile.
Is in this photograph.
Isn't really coloured blue.

Looks a bit like a woman.
Sounds a bit like a woman.
Writes the dullest songs imaginable.
And doesn't seem to think it necessary to write lyrics that fit the rhythm.

DC Cooper

I didn't much like DC's style of singing at first at it occasionally sounded rather too much like screaming rather than being tuneful (a bit like Bruce Dickinson in Iron Maiden's No Prayer/Fear of the Dark phase). On Worlds Apart (the first Silent Force album released by Noise Records), though, there's no sign of that. As far as writing goes, he has a strange approach to lyrics - they seem to make sense at first glance, but looking at them more closely they don't seem to be coherent at all.

Fighting the silence of chosen sanctity
A choice I made alone
Am I misled by the selfish blinding need
My dreams all meet again

The instrumental sections of his songs are also quite surprising, as they sometimes borrow from other songs... Ode to Joy turns up in the middle of "Death Comes In Disguise", while "Heart Attack" seems to have a brief medley of the musics from Lemmings. Incidentally, I've no idea what his real name is or if he even has anything more than two first initials.

Learned to sing during the transition to Noise. How ironic.
Writes the most incredible layered vocals ever (e.g. Heroes, Iron Hand)

Doesn't sing remotely intelligibly.
His lyrics don't make sense anyway.
Thought it would be a good idea to get his 2-year-old son to sing the first part of Spread Your Wings.

Yngwie Malmsteen

Don't panic, that's not something left over from the Rocky Horror Picture Show that you see over there, it's just a bad photograph. The improbably named Yngwie (which is only pronouncable as "Ing-vay" by human tongues) is the only one in this list who isn't primarily a vocalist - he plays the guitar. Incredibly fast. In fact, he's regarded by many as one of the best living guitarists, and the trouble is that he knows it and now has an ego of titanic proportions. His songs combine classical and metal elements, and the titles have been known to be puns - "Baroque and Roll" being a typically tragic example.

May explode at any moment due to being too full of himself.

Despite that, is annoyingly talented.

Of course, that's nowhere near a complete list. I've even missed out Hansi Kürsch, the gravelly-voiced Lord of the Rings fanatic who fronts Blind Guardian, and Rob Halford who seems to be wearing at least four cows' worth of leather at all times. But it was fun while it lasted.

Comments

[the-twilighted.livejournal.com]

Sanctuary Records (and their many imprints) are trying to take over the entire world. Of music. Possibly.

And wasn't Rob Halford the former singer of Judas Priest? Or am I just making that up?

[davidn]

Yes, that's right. One gold star for you.

[wolfekko.livejournal.com]

I know that Nightwish is not associated with that company, but for European metal they need to be mentioned :D

[karol-j.livejournal.com]

You forgot Lok :(