Forever is unstable

[davidn]

When you're married, you start to make friends as couples rather than knowing people on their own. I'm not sure how that happens, but it does. But it seems that one set of our couple friends is about to become a pair of un-coupled friends now, because we've just heard that they're separating and one is throwing the other out.

With this development, this means that the majority of the weddings that I've attended (excluding our own) have been for marriages that ended in divorce. So if you get married, careful of inviting me.

Or make sure that you pair up as Christian/Jewish, American/British, Mac/PC user, science/arts student, because paradoxically all that seems to work just wonderfully.

Comments

[e-to-the-ipi.livejournal.com]

My 21 year-old sister is getting married in 10 days. Hopefully, the fact the wedding's in Inverurie isn't having you too close.

I remember a moment in third year when I realised all couples I'd known two years previously had either split up or got married. Impermenance is scary.

[davidn]

For our year in Melville, the equivalent was that absolutely everyone - with no exceptions - got together with one of the JYA/SYAs from America, and many of us married later. gr33bo and I came to Melville in my first year without knowing each other, and a few years later, both have in-laws living not half a kilometre apart from each other in a city on the other side of the world.

[jenny0.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure how it happens either - maybe it's just as we get older, more people of the same age as you tend to be married? Almost all the people around our own age that Jason and I have met since getting together have been couples/married. It's not that we're being all twee looking for "couples friends" and going on double dates, it just happened.

None of them have split up yet, and the only one that looks a bit iffy we knew both of them before they were a couple, so that won't be too weird if it does go pear-shaped.

[davidn]

That's probably it - particularly, friends that I knew as single students in university become married couples, then parents and homeowners (that last stage is beginning to happen, and even we have started looking in the window of the estate agent rather than walking past - it's truly terrifying). Though when I think about it, I'm the youngest of the group I went around with in university by about two years... so maybe that gives me a safety zone.

[jenny0.livejournal.com]

I'd think that would make it worse - your friends are all a few years ahead of you in the marriage/kids/house stakes?

A few of my friends from younger days are now buying houses, and it's kind of making me want to take that step - but really, we love renting.

[stubbleupdate.livejournal.com]

What if he was a punk and she did ballet?

What more can I say?

[davidn]

No matter what I might have said about disparity above, I think if either of us had that on our regular playlist it would have been an instant dealbreaker.

[kjorteo]

Surprisingly tolerable actually they somehow made the stage awesome in Elite Beat Agents, for the record.

[diarytypething.livejournal.com]

So you're the one cursing all of these weddings? And here I was thinking it was me.

I think it's just a thing that happens - people change a lot in their twenties, and we don't always realise it to begin with because we think we're grownups now and that's that. From where I'm standing (quite a long way away from marriage), it looks as if marrying young involves specific difficulties and there's probably fair amount of luck involved to make sure that you're both still right for each other a couple of years down the line. Just remember that divorce is generally a far better option than continuing a dismal marriage, and the people who have admitted it are sparing each other more unhappiness, and coincidentally sparing their friends from some even greater social awkwardness.

[davidn]

Maybe that's it - the two of us have so little in common that any change can only bring our personalities closer together.

I suppose this is another disillusionment hurdle I'm yet to really get over, when I was much younger I thought marriage was meant to be irreversible, and now that it clearly isn't it's easier to think of it as a convenient way of living together as long as you need to with some benefits from the tax office. Which seems a bit cold.

[starfishchris.livejournal.com]

Of course it's cold - the warmth is meant to come from your relationship, not from bits of paper. :p

[marcobiagi.livejournal.com]

Speaking as a person who is single (and more than slightly bitter about such), from my perspective what is terrifying and dispiriting is the way everyone is married or getting married.

[davidn]

That's also true - there are many signs that constantly remind me that I'm getting older even though I still don't really feel like I should be out of university. I'm still perpetually confused when I realize that I'm living in America.

[e-to-the-ipi.livejournal.com]

I've just applied for a subwarden job, and a number of lecturers and wardens and subwardens seem to think it's a good idea.

They've got me giving tutorials and problem classes and invigilating exams! I still feel I should be pulling all-nighters for those! I think it's appropriate to dress like this (http://twitpic.com/ecg6f) to get into work on a hot summer's day! My main method of trying to cycle around London is by using the stars for navigation! I'm living in London!

I'm with someone who was previously in a seven year relationship with someone who's now in his early thirties. Who's had a proper job, and is about to start studying at her fourth or fifth university! It's all rather scary, really.

(And hopefully that's my existential crisis for the day out of my system.

[davidn]

Change has been pretty rapid - and now that I think about it, you're younger than I am and doing things that I consider much older than I am (invigilating exams, you need to have grey hair and knitting needles for that...)

I'm afraid I can't offer any support for the photo. Indeed, never has the domain name "TwitPic" been more appropriate...! :)

[pami-zee.livejournal.com]

If you really are cursed, you're not invited to my wedding! Sorry, but I don't want a divorce :P

I think a lot of the time it's hard if you start off with a serious relationship and never date anyone else, because then you spend your time curious of what anything would be like with anyone else. Or think you might argue less with someone else. That sort of thing.

That's just my theory, but then, I don't believe in "Mr Right" or anything like that.

[starfishchris.livejournal.com]

There is a lot to be said for experience. Without it, nobody should be so arrogant to believe they know exactly what they want; you can learn a fair bit about yourself from close relationships of all kinds. You might still change, too, if you're young. I know I have.

Even for those who believe in "Mr Right", it is possible to be wrong about it. We're human, we're complex creatures capable of making mistakes no matter how hard we fight it. Even "Mr Right" is human - do people realise how difficult it is when you put someone on a pedestal? It's just not fair. It's very tiring being as awesome as I am, I need regular breaks...