Even the throat sweets talk down to me

[davidn]

America is all the more different for its very slight differences. If I had moved to any country in Europe, for example, it would be obvious that I wasn't going to find the same comforts that I was used to and would be shopping at the local branch of Krankl. Here, the differences are made slight and subtle, like the mastermind in a Jonathan Creek plot about trying to get someone committed.

I got a packet of Halls Soothers the other day (which, now that I look, seem to just be called Halls here) - unusually, the actual lozenges seem to be pretty much identical to the ones I knew, with the difference being that you get a collection of patronizing little messages on the wrapper.



I was trying to cure a sore throat, not have a motivational carrot from the Big Book of Pointy-Haired Boss Encouragements waved in front of my face every time I reach for one. The one at the bottom demands particular attention - "Turn 'can do' into 'can did'"? Is that a rare earnest attempt at the past-impossible never tense? Isn't the past tense of "can do" "(was able to do and) have done"? Is there any imaginable construction of a sentence in which "can did" makes any sense?

I know that my posts can seem to be about slightly trivial things, but after now spending five and a half years surrounded by this sort of bullshit everything begins to grate on you a little.

Comments

[dr-dos.livejournal.com]

Smile! You're on can did camera. :3

[lupineangel.livejournal.com]

Genius. Cruel, brilliant genius. :P

D.F.

[davidn]

Appropriate, as it does feel quite often that the entire country was just engineered as some sort of wind-up.

[xaq.livejournal.com]

Damn, beat me to it! D:

[lupineangel.livejournal.com]

I'm curious; as someone who's grown up with it, how does Whitney react to this sort of sanity-grating nonsense? Does she have an innate tolerance for/resistance to this kind of stuff, or does it irk her as well?

D.F.

[davidn]

I think that, having become acclimatized to the country since birth, she has developed a deafness to it. It's the only reason I can think of for being able to survive through a single episode of The People's Court.

[shoe--gal.livejournal.com]

Just went to check the Halls we have - hadn't realised that they had all that rubbish printed on them until you pointed it out! I hope you've been "flex[ing] your can do muscle" as instructed!!

[kjorteo]

Turn can do into canid!

[davidn]

Turn every post I make somehow, effortlessly, into a depraved furry reference!

[kjorteo]

It's what I do best!

[kjorteo]

Also, mine don't have those, but then again, they're the not Halls so much as the cheap store-brand generic equivalent. They just have the words "COUGH DROP" printed again and again all over every wrapper, presumably in case I forget or something.

[xaq.livejournal.com]

Well, given how some varieties of candy are wrapped in a very similar manner, and how the IQ of the average person anymore seems to be somewhere around the average temperature of the South Pole, there might be some reasoning behind that.

[kibet.livejournal.com]

So what do they call the actual Halls cough sweets (the ones in the black pack that resemble Tunes)?

[shoe--gal.livejournal.com]

I've actually never been able to find these over here.

[davidn]

I've never found the ones I knew either - they've always been in large sachets of 30, rather than the paper "tube".

Tunes, I'd forgotten about those - those were the ones I always got when I was in school.

[davidn]

I found them! Just while waiting in the cafe for a sandwich this lunchtime... on the top shelf of the sweets rack thing, square Halls in menthol or lemon - also just called Halls.

[feralmuse.livejournal.com]

Augh, I just finished one of those. The commentary on them made me want to punch everything, especially when I was consuming them on a day where I had to leave work after losing my voice. "Turn that 'can do' into 'sit around in PJs watching My Little Pony all day'"

[xaq.livejournal.com]

You make that sound like it's a bad thing. o_O